Dishonest people

Some times you find those people that you wonder if they have any real friends.
My resent run-in with one of those came from a singles site. A "woman" contacted me with an email address for me to contact her at (not my preferred way to start things off).
They had a nice profile on the site, so I emailed them a fair length email.
I got a response a bit later, which was my first red flag.... Some how they had read my email, and responded with a similar length email in about 9 minutes. I personally take my time reading an email, and then take my time responding, it's important to me to communicate as best I can (sometimes not one of my strong points).
I read her email, seemed nice enough. I did note that she didn't use my name, and the email seemed a bit, generic. I bit puzzled by the 'all-this-in-9-minutes', I gave them the benefit of the doubt, and responded with another fair length email, mentally noting that it took me not quite an hour, and I made it a point to put an question at the end, to see if I was really talking to someone that was reading my email.
Again I receive an email from her in about 10 minutes. I read it, and read it again, I was amazed, and in a bad way. First off, she called me "Hey Baby". Uh, we don't know each other well enough for that kind of thing. And she still never used my name. She went into a speal about being able to trust each other, so on and so forth, which for a second email seemed a bit thick. The part that made me go 'what the hell?" was her questions to me, one of which would have been very clearly answered by my profile if they had read it. She asked if I was married, and had kids. My profile said single, no kids. A few of the other questions seemed like would have been covered by my emails. It was a *facepalm* moment for me. I had been found by fakes before, but this one was one of those to-good-to-be-true at this point.
Being pretty well frustrated, I responded to the questions in something of a generic matter, until I came to the dumb one. I said "Really? If you had actually read my profile, you wouldn't be asking this." The other 2 questions I answered in a similar manner.
I finished the email by saying that she had not answered my question, and pointed out that it looked like she really wasn't reading, and expressed my displeasure.
I got no further response. Being mad, and emailed one last time asking "What's that matter? No forum letter for this situation?" I ran through many of the inconsistencies, and said I didn't believe they were who they claimed to be, having done an extensive search on google and public record type searches, not finding her name in Michigan.
I have not received an email since. I reported the profile on the singles site, with a semi-detailed description of the situation. The ad is now blocked for me, like she never existed.
There use to be a gambit of "Russian woman" type profiles on these sites, that basically panned out that they wanted the guy to send "her" money so she could come see him. This last once claimed to be taking care of her mom after an injury, in Malaysia. My guess is, when her mom was "going better", she wouldn't have quite enough money to get back to Michigan, and I was suppose to be the sucker to give her money. I was born, but not yesterday.

I've been thinking...

I do a fair amount of thinking at night before I go to sleep, sometimes so much so that it keeps awake longer than I like. I evaluate myself, I evaluate peoples action vs that they say. Notice I said evaluate, and not judge. I don't have any business judging anyone (and neither does anyone else). A judgment is based on facts at hand, be them true or not. An evaluation is more a measurement with commonly understood knowledge and concepts. A judgment is more permanent in it's nature. Evaluation is more flexable, and is apt to change when new information or ideas are found, and takes the bigger picture into account.
It seems like people judge me on there own ideas, and so I they don't really give me a fair chance. If I don't fix their predefined picture of how I should be, I am a lower life form than them. In that case, I evaluate them as shallow and unfair. They could change my evaluation of them, but they have already made up their mind about me. Any attempts I might make to get more information are opposed in some way. Instead they only re-enforce my evaluation of them.
But also have to evaluate myself, to see that I'm not falling into the same trap they are in.
Maybe you see why this can keep me up at night sometimes. I confuses me heck out me.

Mean People

I really don't get people some times. How can someone be rude to others as almost a profession?
For example, this once person is rude and insults people, then says they are joking and not to get upset. But then if they get the same thing back, they get bent out of shape. And then they decide not to talk to certain people because they are rude... 'What, can't take what you dish out? Then maybe you should change.' It's funny, if you say something like that, the rude person looks at you like you are insane, and then calls you an idiot or something.
And then there are others that are just plain mean to everyone. I'm sorry, but I'd have to work too hard to be like that. If someone actually makes me mad, I don't even have to be a jerk to get the idea across. Don't they realize they shoot themselves in the foot when they are mean to everyone?
Amazing.

Well...yeah

I finally had one of those occasions that a woman contacted me on a singles site I'm on. She wanted to talk, gave me her email. I'm always skeptical of that kind of thing, but ok. I email her, attempt to come up with something to say, and asked her a question. That was at least 2 weeks ago if not 3 (I lost track), not a peep. Same old sh!t, another day. And another one of my younger friends is engaged, and I can't even get a woman to talk to me that said she wanted to talk. What kind of crap is this!? And in just over a month, I have another birthday... another year of being alone.
Yeah, one of those rough nights. And I'm typing on something that no one reads, hoping someone would care. Best I get is something like, "Aw that sucks. I'll be praying for ya." In other words, here's a hankie in lieu of a parashoot. Thanks.

I wonder sometimes...

Why do I post a blog? People generally don't care what I think (even if they ask, they have already made up their minds). People have generally shown that they think I am like a second rate human being to them. If they made a blog, I would be expected to read it, and take what they think would be like bible, not an opinion. Opinions and Ideas are fine, we all have them... but trying to force them on someone else isn't right. That is the beauty of a blog, a person can share there thoughts, ideas, feelings, etc., and people can respond. To bad I see some people turn blogs and forums into places to have flame-wars. I don't understand why people have to be like that, I generally have to work too hard to be that mean, and I'd end up hating myself for it. It offends me when someone has to flame me because they think I am wrong. Fine, maybe I am, but being a jerk about it doesn't help either one of us now does it? I'm not opposed to being corrected, so long as I'm not being attacked personally in the process. They don't like it, what makes them think I do?
Oh, I forgot, I'm a second rate human being. I'm not even worth checking on, much less responding to. Silly me.

Netbooks & Tablet pc's

Liking techno toys, I've been watching netbooks and tablet pc's with some interest. Intel Atom processors in many of the current netbooks are comparible to my old desktop machine that ran Windows XP for a long time before giving it new live with linux. AMD 64 XP 1700+ (1.5ghz), 1gig ram, Geforce 5200. I also remember how slow it was booting XP. It amazes me that they want to run Windows 7 on almost the same specs in a netbook. Solid State Drives kind of got put back on the drawing board, despite being faster than regular hard-drives (SSD's were expensive, low capacity, and unreliable)... too bad, they might have given netbooks a small boost running windows.
Now netbooks running linux (like many did when they first came out) was pretty feasible and interesting. A 1.6ghz cpu and 1gb of ram makes a pretty nice linux computer, and the low power requirements of the Atom made for some impressive "projected" battery life. The problems is price. Do a little shopping around. Most netbooks go for about ~$300, and buyer beware if you want to put linux on it, some of them have proprietary/non-compatible hardware. Now look at notebook computers, you can find some decent (usually more powerful) notebooks for $400-$500. Still have to check things out if you want to run linux, that is par for the course. Battery life isn't as nice, but in all honesty, are you really that far away from an outlet that long?

Now what is really interesting me is a bunch of netbooks and tablets pc's that are running ARM processors. Maybe you have heard of them? ARM is in many smart phones, PDA's, and other small and mobile devices. The closest thing Microsoft has to an OS to run on these cpus is Windows CE/Windows Mobile. From what I have seen of the google phones running Android (a linux OS), I don't know why anyone would want to tie themselves down with Windows on a mobile device. There are a number of companies getting the mobile band wagon with ARM based devices. Even Dell is suppose to have some interesting tablets and netbooks in the works, in varing sizes. Nokia has the N900 mobile computer running a form of linux. Several smaller companies have tablets in the works that have very impressive prototypes, all running ARM and some form of linux (Android, Meego, a few even running a modified version of Ubuntu).
And ARM is not a wimpy processor. A couple tablet prototypes were running HD videos to big tv's with only a 1gigahertz cpu. They have some prototype cpus that are running dual core 2ghz that takes less power than the single core 1.6ghz Atoms that we have now. ARM has been put in phones and PDA's for a while, I think they know how to make good low power processor.
And many of these devices are suppose to be in the sub-$200 range, a couple of the $100 range. Much more practical, and interesting.
Ok, I'm done getting all geeky for a bit.

ARGH!

Yes, I'm a little frustrated. All my "friends" have their friends or family to do stuff with. People have stuff they want me to do, but there doesn't seem to be time for them to return the favor.
Everyone has their 'clicks' and I'm standing there figiting, looking like something has my attention.
If/when I try to seek someone out to talk to, someone else has to come along and interrupt (that is probably going to call them about something piddly tomorrow away). I don't want much, but I'm tired for everyone else thinking they are more important, and other people that enable them. It irritates me to no end when I try to talk to someone I haven't seen in a long time, and someone else has to interrupt! And then we never get to catch up again. I've lost contact with some people because I got tired of it being such a fight to get to talk to them... phones and email never seem to work both ways (in essence, they don't care that we lost touch).
"Alone in a room full of friends." Yep, about sums it up, in real life and online.

Wants vs needs

Some times it amuses me what people want vs what they "need". Often it seems like that they "Need" is something rather petty and/or disposable. They think they need some thing to feel fulfilled some how, and to wave in other people's faces. They will pend ridiculous amounts of time and money on it, when that time or money should be put to something more important, something they really need.
Don't get me wrong, I like to indulge myself from time to time too. They way I look at things is, if I actually have a use for something, then fine. But, does doing or getting it hurt me in some way? Will and still "need" whatever it is a week from now? A month? Am I really doing it for me, or am I doing it for someone else.
Paying bills, or doing something more important, or reaching some goal.
A good example of that. I have some money saved up. I could indulge myself, but, I really need a new(er) car in the near future. My car is succumbing to rust, and won't last forever. I have a real need and a goal in mind.
Many people are more like, "I need that latest gadget, it would be so cool." Yeah, for about a week. Maybe. Hey, I like my toys too, but there is always some better around the corner that everyone will just have to have. Maybe I get a deal yesterdays gadget while everyones drooling on todays or tomorrow gadget. Sure, I want it too, but if I can get a deal on something no one wants, and it does what I Need...
It's like this older laptop I'm typing on. Sure, I'd like a nicer one, but honestly it does what I need. Plus, linux breathed new life into this old laptop, poor thing was strangled with windows. :)
See, there is a difference. It's called moderation, and using a little common sense, two things people seems to have a lot of trouble with.

Singles sites

Since I am single, I have been on various singles sites for several years. Out of all that time I've had one woman that I was friends with for a while, but as I said in another post, it didn't go as I would have liked. Generally it seems that women are a) too far away, b) too young or too old for my preference, c) many ads have not been updated and they have not visited the site in a long time. I have some requirements, but I don't think they are unreasonable, especially when it seems like more is required of the men they are looking for. Non-smoker, honest/considerate, and a least halfway fit (I want us to be able to get out and DO stuff together), are really my only requirements.
I have other preferences (like I would prefer with out kids), and in my area, as I don't really have the means or want to move far. I can be flexible, but I can't seem to be shown the same consideration. One woman flat out demanded that it was MY responsibility to more for her. Like I move hundreds of miles for a stranger. Right.
Most women seem to want someone taller them them. In a way I can understand that, but it out right eliminates me as possibility, because it isn't something I can change, and they can't be flexible.
They want nice looking guy. Again, understandable, as I would like to find a nice looking woman. But it is open to interpretation, and it seems their wants are actually needs.
They want a father for their children. Not unreasonable. What puts up a flag for me is when they are 28, and have 3 kids, the oldest being like 10 or something (rough example). Means she was almost a kid herself, and she didn't learn anything from the first one. I have a moral/ethical problem with this. It also puts a question in my mind 'Would she be loyal to me?' I also have to wonder what kind of morals she has. Not to be mean, but I don't want to inherit someone else's problem.
Anyway, maybe singles sites have worked for some people, and I'm glad for them. Their effectiveness for me remains to be seen. I guess I'm just in the wrong area or something. As I said, only one kinda worked, for a bit, until she couldn't be bothered by me anymore.

I like animals.

I do. I have to say I like them more than people. They are honest. They like you or they don't. They are afraid or they are not. They don't have any reason to hate anyone, unless they are flat out abused. I've even seem some that seem turn out to be a better judge of character than me.
I suppose there are some people that think animals are stupid. Some yes. But I have seen dogs that I consider to be smarter than their owners. I've seen some dogs that I swear they understand what people are saying... what they do is just to odd to be random. It's like they understand, at least to some extent, what is going on.
I also don't think people give birds enough credit. My parents and I used to raise homing pigeons, and there were a couple that were always right there when we entered the loft. They were curious. They would often land on our shoulders or our heads while we were cleaning. It was hard to tell if they were minding our business or messing with us. We hand feed them for a minute (they loved safflower seed, it was like candy to them), and go about our business, and they would ride along on our shoulders. Some times they would pick at our hats if they thought we weren't paying attention. Some times they would even fight with us, coo at us and carry on.
They had their own personalities.

I don't get it...

You know, I'm a decent guy. I'm level headed, good natured, and make no claims what so ever to being perfect. I'm also 32 and single, with no prospects. My last attempt several years ago left me scratching my head. She was nice, intelligent, not bad looking. The talks we had (when she would talk TO me), it seemed like we were looking for similar things, with similar ideas.
What got me, was why it was so hard to get her to talk to me, much less get together. She never seemed to have time for me. Emails would get 'forgoten', phone calls felt like I was interrupting, and was never on IM when she was. I would hear about thing she did with someone else that she said she would do with me. She had a guy friend that she hung out with because she 'knew him since they were little', but she admitted she would never marry him. He ended up back stabbing her (identity theft). And yet, a sane guy like me that honestly wanted to try a relationship, she never gave me an honest chance. She didn't want me mad or disappointed with her, but I wasn't worth her time. I was beyond patient, but after a few years, I gave up. I don't get it.
Women go for the guys that have looks, but are the bad-boy type, shallow... and won't have anything to do with the guys want a real relationship. It baffles me.
Yes, yes, it could be this or it could be that... you think I haven't turned it over and looked at it from every angle? I've had sleepless nights, my restless mind running over what if's, could be's.
In the end I'm left with only theories and more questions that I can't answer.
The conclusion I came to was, most women would rather use me, lie to me, to get there kicks. I don't like that conclusion, but my experiences, such as they are, don't leave me much.
I would love to find the exception, especially since I'm not getting any younger... but I don't know.

Perfect World (game)

I've been kind of under the weather for almost the last week, last night was the first half way decent nights sleep I've had. I should be able to start playing again more regular. In a way I needed a bit of a break anyway. I was just doing my daily quest when I could stand it.
I started the same as a wizard, which all things considered was a good character to start out. It's major short coming in later level is the spell casting speed. There are some good spells, if you have time to cast them. Wizard's 59 skills are sad... if you live long enough, the damage is pretty good.
With the addition of the new race, the Tideborn, I made a Psychic. It is still a magic character, but the spells are better rounded, and cast in about half the time. Many spells have dual effect, damage and a status change. Being able slow down or knock back along with damage has made a big difference. A Psychic can more easily monster of matching or slightly higher level. Trying to do that with the wizard was dangerous at best. It was usually better to fight monsters maybe 5 levels less. Sometimes my Psychic can handle 5 levels above my level.
I stopped leveling my wizard at 69. Psychic is 3 levels away.
I also have an archer that is only lvl 45 so far. I thought it would be good to have a magic character, and a physical damage character as an option, but most of my effort has been put into my Psychic lately.
Anyway, it's a fun game (it has it's days, like anything else). I think I needed the unintended break.

People...

Some how I'm usually low man on the totem pole (and we know what rolls down hill). It is interesting how the people I can actually consider friends (real ones are few) are the ones that actually take the time to talk to me (not at me) . But if I try to initiate contact, sooner or later I get ignored. Even though I might not be good at it at times, I do like to talk to people, but anymore I only do so with those that will listen (not just hear), and can see where I'm coming from. Those that will listen and interact with me, I consider friends. A good friend is someone that will attempt to make me feel that I am understood, and maybe even offer some little bit of wisdom.
I understand very well the difference between an acquaintance, a friend, and a good friend. Acquaintances are usually those that barely acknowledge my existence, that is, until they need something that I can provide. I see this often when someone needs computer help. Once I have completed my duty, I might not hear from them for months beyond the casual hello in passing.
I have similar problems with trying to start relationship with women, in which my attempts usually end up with me hurt, ignored, or just frustrated. I have had a couple of hard knocks from women I wouldn't have expected it from, most severe was getting called just about anything negitive she could think of, when I and everyone else knew better. Over the years, I saw more of how people act in general. What people don't say in words, they say by how they act, and I have learned pay attention to actions. As they say, talk is cheap.
All this is to say, I am willing to get long with about anyone, help if I can. But expecting me to put my neck on the line for someone that will not do the same for me, it's not going to happen.
I've been used and abused too many years to put up with much of that anymore. Someone wants to know me, they need show me a sign of good faith. Otherwise, I will remain a bystander.
I'll leave you with this food for thought... what do your actions say about you? And who might be watching?

Favorite games

Ah, fond memories.
Probably my first computer game was pacman on a Tandy CoCo, back when programs were loaded off tapes. Then came our first PC and on.
Biomenace was probably my first favorite, then Hocus Pocus ( both 2D scrollers). Oh, can't forget Raptor. The Duke Nukem 2D scrollers were good too.
Then came 3D. Wolfenstein was the first, followed by Doom. I played a lot of Rise of the Triad too, even made a map. Quake and Quake 2 really got 3D shooters going. Played a lot of Quake2: UrbanTerror mod until everyone got some form of broadband, then I couldn't keep up. Seemed like I was the only one on dialup. I tried to get back into it later, but cheaters and people that played 12 hours a day pretty much drove me out.
Played a lot of Unreal Tournament, even got to play a couple of lan games. UT series against the computer were pretty much my gaming experience for a while. Trying to play UT online was a lost cause, my FPS skills (or lack there of) kept me out of that.
Then I found MMO's/RPG's. My first was Dofus (do-fu), turn based game, much more my speed. Had some good times there. A few guilds later, and it seemed like I became the out-sider even though I was in an active guild. Someone told me about Perfect World International. After playing it for a while, I knew I found my new home. I said my goodbyes in Dofus, and moved.
I still poke my head into Dofus now and again, but it doesn't hold a candle to PWI. It's main thing I play in my spare time, save a couple of games on facebook.

Thoughts on Linux

Ever since windows update blew up windows a few years back, I desided it was time for something else. I had messed with Slackware years before, but the desktop was still pretty young back then. My Dad started using Ubuntu around version 7.04, and I liked the look of it.
Since then I have played with many linux distributions, mostly live cds (great way to test drive a distro). Certain distros are aimed at certain uses. System Rescue CD, Ultimate Boot CD, and Parted Magic are very good 'tool box' live cds. They are not even made to be installed, but are invaluble for recovering files, wiping a drive, and repairing windows (Take that Bill Gates). Two of them have enough to get you on the internet to download drivers to get a windows box running.
Puppy Linux, CrunchBang Linux are both good distros for older computers, as they are made to be light duty but very fuctional. CrunchBang is on my laptop, on which I am typing this right now.
Ubuntu is a good stepping stone for those that are use to windows, but once you get more comfortable, there are better. Ubuntu keeps getting more and more bloated with their desktop version, and they don't seem to care about community oppinions anymore. Debian is the parent of Ubuntu, and makes great efforts to make a stable clean distro.
Links of interest...
Big 3 linux distros
http://www.linux-mag.com/id/7721/1/
50 places linux is running
http://www.focus.com/fyi/information-technology/50-places-linux-running-you-might-not-expect/

New blog :)

I have resisted making a blog for a long time, with the reasoning 'who's going to read it'. Seems like when ever I post my thoughts or ideas, I get poopoo'd by someone who thinks it's stupid, or ignored altogether. I've most recently got poopoo'd by someone on the forums of the faction that I'm in on a MMO game. It was my topic, but they didn't like how long my posts were, saying it looked like a journal. Eventually I had the topic locked and cut back on my partisipation on the forums. After my initial inferiation at basely being called unimportant and stupid, I decided it was their loss.
I started considering other options. Facebook didn't really have a blog feature, and I wasn't sure I wanted my thoughts on facebook anyway. I also considered the fact that someone wanting to know more about me, would have to look for the information. I could make my own webpage (I've done it before), but putting time and effort into something few would read was too much.
The it hit me... Blogs/journals sites. So here it is. :)