Trying to shift gears

I will admit, my posts are usually not to, happy. Really I'm usually good natured and down to earth. It's just, the few friends I have are not really up to listening to what I'm thinking, and trying to understand where I am coming from. When I've tried, I get some off the wall response that either they thought it was joke, or they didn't understand what I just tried to say. I'm not a "people" person, I'm just not wired that way. So to my logical thinking, if someone can't really LISTEN, and comprehend what I'm saying, then I just wasted my time & energy on something I'm not good at to begin with. So I limit my interaction to such things as the weather, computer talk, etc, and keep to myself about matters of the heart until I find someone that is genuinely interested. The problem is, I still need some way to blow off some steam, and practice trying to explain myself. Yes, I'm a quiet, thoughtful person... but as I once joked with someone, quiet people can snap too. Everyone is different, and we deal with things differently, some times out of necessity. Me, I often feel like I don't get the credit I deserve, and that I'm not appreciated beyond that I can do (my gifts, things I'm good at). Add getting treated like a disease by a woman I might be interested in (repeatedly), spam and fake women, and yeah, my mood does down the drain, along my self-confidence. So yeah, it's hard to pretend everything is great. Just being alive isn't necessarily enough. I'd like to have a reason to live life, and someone to share it with... Just like most everyone else.
So, that is my attempt to explain where I am coming from. If you can't understand it, then, you probably don't belong here. Go find a blog with something that entertains you. I don't entertain strangers much. Try to get to know me, and I might entertain you while I entertain myself. :)

New Years

If it will be a happy new year remains to be seen. I can "wish in one hand, sh!t in the other, and which one fills up first?" Yes, it's kind of a disgusting thought, but it also has a point. I doesn't seem to matter what I wish for, dream about, or would like to see happen. Someone else always seems to get what I want. I'd like to be an optimist, but after getting teased repeatedly with what I wish for, and just getting slapped in the face by some degenerate jack@ss trying to scam me, optimism is one of the first casualties (along with my heart). It gets replaced with realisum, and the temporary wish to beat the crap out of the jerk if I could get my hands one them. I normally don't wish any harm to anyone, but adding insult to my injury for there own means, while I'm being honest and good intentioned... pushing them into an on coming bus sounds like doing the world a favor, and eliminating that stagnant part of the gene pool.
*sigh* Since I can't (and probably wouldn't) doing anything about it, I try to talk some small satisfaction that maybe God will give them what they having coming. Maybe even reward me at some point for putting up with all this BS, and trying to stay true to who I am.
Come on, where is my reward?
I guess I still have some optimism left, it's just very strained.