Singles site

Well, I am slowly coming to the conclusion that singles sites are a waste of time and energy, at least for me.  If it's not the spammers trying to get me to email them rather than talk on a 100% free site, it's the seemly real women that completely ignore me.  And them putting "christian" in their profile don't make them any better.  The spammers don't read, and often I think a 3rd grader has better grammar than they do (and some claim a college education, what a laugh).  Claim blond hair when the pics are clearly brown or black.  Don't respect that I'm looking for someone in my area  And spam there yahoo email at me like it going out of style.
You know, I might consider talking to a woman from California, if they gave an intelligent message acknowledging what I'm looking for, and just wanted to talk and be online friends.  That would be reasonable, and I would kind of know where we stand.  And who knows, maybe she doesn't like where she is at, and I'd give her a reason to move at some point.  The point is, if she respected me and what I'm looking for, be honest with me, and answer any issues I'd have, I wouldn't be opposed to a long distance relationship.  But most of the time, those kind of relationships don't work out for me because there is always something lacking.  A real person to person connection.  Words on a screen are not a good substitute for being able to look someone in the eyes, hold hands and see what is in the heart.  Ok, that sounded a little sappy, but it doesn't make it any less true.  I need to hear and see someone when I'm talking to them about important matters.  I read their body language about as much as I listen to them.  The old 'actions speak louder than words' phrase.  Long distance relationships don't let me do that.  They usually aren't real anyway.  But I can't meet someone near by either.
Anyway, the spam and fake women are really wearing on me.  I'm about ready to throw in the towel and say I quit.  I don't like it, but, the current state of things is really doing a number on my attitude.  I get to feeling dumber the more I deal with stupid people that are trying to take advantage of others.

Linux

I've talked about Linux before, but it's been a while, and there is always new stuff to be found.  I've messed with linux before, but not seriously until the last few years.  WindowsXP commuting suicide on me (bluescreen, reboot, and it "cleaned up" system files, equals dead windows), pretty much did it for me, it was time to check on linux again.  My dad had Ubuntu for a year or two, so I started there.  Now that the company that puts out ubuntu has decided that they know what I want better than I do (going a more Mac/Android look), and the "need" to upgrade/reinstall every 6 months, I have little use for ubuntu.  A rolling release (install once, just keep updating) is much easier to keep up with, usually less hassle.
I've been listening to an older podcast on my non-ipod mp3 player (Apple doesn't play well with others, besides being too expensive) called LinuxReality (http://linuxreality.com/).  Chess's goal was to help those new to linux, and show it it can do, and he did a pretty good job.  Another podcast I want to get to is GoingLinux (http://goinglinux.com) which is still active, and sounds like it is aimed at a similar crowd, but might get a little more detailed.  There are other linux related podcasts out there, of varying degrees, but these are the ones I'm interested in at the moment.  LinuxReality is a good place to start if you want a more beginners perspective on getting started with linux.
My preferred linux distributions are CrunchBang (Debian based livecd, clean light distro, good for aging computers or laptops), PCLinuxOS (Mandriva based livecd, full desktop and user friendly), and more resently OpenSUSE (so far seems like solid user friendly desktop distro, has livecd's and install dvd's).  Other old favorites are Puppy Linux (livecd, good for old computers), PartedMagic (livecd, more of a toolbox type distro).  I pretty much look for Debian based distros, but the Mandriva based (distant ties to Fedora/Redhat) is pretty good too.
Not really a Linux distro, but Ultimate Boot CD is a very good toolbox type livecd with many hardware utilities.
When I'm looking at distros, I usually go for the LXDE or XFCE desktop environments, as they are lighter on resources than Gnome or KDE.  Gnome is still good, KDE feels too much like windows for my liking (the point is linux is not windows), but some love it.  Linux is all about choices, so more power to them.  Those 4 are most common, but there are others.
Besides desktop use, I've also setup small linux servers at one time or other, partly to see how they work, partly for a purpose I had in mind at the time.  I'm slowly working on trying to setup a file server/network backup at my church, with the idea of having it go out to the windows computers and backup documents through the network.  I'm having some trouble understanding how to setup Samba (software linux uses to talk to windows computers), but it's still interesting.  I also setup a couple of computers running PCLinux only (one in the youth room, and one in the lobby/hallway).  Both computers are a bit dated, but run like champs with linux, and haven't had any issues, I just run an update every now and then, and no one has complained about them, they just work.  I would like to turn the aging computers in the office to linux, but I'm not sure that would fly with certain people.  Maybe when windows blows up, or the computers finally quit.  Maybe OpenSUSE with Xfce, or PCLinux Xfce. Hmm... *considers blowing up windows*  Nah, someday.
Get the impression I dislike windows? lol  Long live Linux. :)

Trying to shift gears

I will admit, my posts are usually not to, happy. Really I'm usually good natured and down to earth. It's just, the few friends I have are not really up to listening to what I'm thinking, and trying to understand where I am coming from. When I've tried, I get some off the wall response that either they thought it was joke, or they didn't understand what I just tried to say. I'm not a "people" person, I'm just not wired that way. So to my logical thinking, if someone can't really LISTEN, and comprehend what I'm saying, then I just wasted my time & energy on something I'm not good at to begin with. So I limit my interaction to such things as the weather, computer talk, etc, and keep to myself about matters of the heart until I find someone that is genuinely interested. The problem is, I still need some way to blow off some steam, and practice trying to explain myself. Yes, I'm a quiet, thoughtful person... but as I once joked with someone, quiet people can snap too. Everyone is different, and we deal with things differently, some times out of necessity. Me, I often feel like I don't get the credit I deserve, and that I'm not appreciated beyond that I can do (my gifts, things I'm good at). Add getting treated like a disease by a woman I might be interested in (repeatedly), spam and fake women, and yeah, my mood does down the drain, along my self-confidence. So yeah, it's hard to pretend everything is great. Just being alive isn't necessarily enough. I'd like to have a reason to live life, and someone to share it with... Just like most everyone else.
So, that is my attempt to explain where I am coming from. If you can't understand it, then, you probably don't belong here. Go find a blog with something that entertains you. I don't entertain strangers much. Try to get to know me, and I might entertain you while I entertain myself. :)

New Years

If it will be a happy new year remains to be seen. I can "wish in one hand, sh!t in the other, and which one fills up first?" Yes, it's kind of a disgusting thought, but it also has a point. I doesn't seem to matter what I wish for, dream about, or would like to see happen. Someone else always seems to get what I want. I'd like to be an optimist, but after getting teased repeatedly with what I wish for, and just getting slapped in the face by some degenerate jack@ss trying to scam me, optimism is one of the first casualties (along with my heart). It gets replaced with realisum, and the temporary wish to beat the crap out of the jerk if I could get my hands one them. I normally don't wish any harm to anyone, but adding insult to my injury for there own means, while I'm being honest and good intentioned... pushing them into an on coming bus sounds like doing the world a favor, and eliminating that stagnant part of the gene pool.
*sigh* Since I can't (and probably wouldn't) doing anything about it, I try to talk some small satisfaction that maybe God will give them what they having coming. Maybe even reward me at some point for putting up with all this BS, and trying to stay true to who I am.
Come on, where is my reward?
I guess I still have some optimism left, it's just very strained.

Another Year

Well, basically another year is about gone. I've been thinking I might have 1 possible woman I could talk to. A few little problems.
First, She barely talks to me. It's not like she is anti-social, I'm just not one of those people she socializes with. The extent of our communication is usually if she was a cd of the pastor's teaching, and maybe a computer question. Pretty much like everyone else.
Second, that being the case, I don't know if she would be even open to the idea of being friends, or better, much less who/what she is looking for.
Third, she sort of inherited a baby from her sister. I have nothing against kids really, other than the times they annoy me, seemingly on purpose. It does present a certain, awkwardness for me.
Anyway, knowing a bit about the situation, this tells me she is at least a caring person, and has ethics. If that goes beyond "relatives", I'm not sure. The most we have talked was related to me getting a used computer fixed up for her, and when she might be able to pay for it. It's possible she is like every other woman I've come across lately, judgmental & close-minded when it comes to such things.
Yes, I can hear it, the "Just talk to her" speech. I don't see it as that simple. They way things are today, women can scream "sexist pig" if you look at them funny. Ironically, those are usually the ones that have there shirt open to their navel, and guys aren't suppose to look. I might seek a glace, yes, but I'm also interested in what makes them tick. You could say, I'm looking for beauty inside and out. For some reason, nice looking women are (more often than not), b!tches. Whatever the reason... Man haters, standards are too high, or just plain too low (only want "to have fun"). A nice looking woman around my age, with a functional brain, that isn't already with some guy I wouldn't trust as fair as I could throw him, seems to be impossible to find.
It is really too bad, I'd like to think I have something real to offer. But I'm too short, not wealthy, don't have a nice car, blah blah blah.
I still have a certain quote rolling around my head that seems to ring true... "Be who you are, say what you mean... Because those the mind don't matter, and those that matter don't mind." - Dr Seuss, I think. A pretty cool quote if you think about it.

Odds Are...

Seems like one of these days I'll find a real woman. With all the towns, lakes, and other populated areas around me, it seems like I could find someone. Of course, that is all assuming they use a computer and check singles sites... or maybe visit my church and happen to notice me. Some how I've got a feeling my odds would be better winning the lotto. How do I find someone that isn't where I am? Bars? Clubs? I don't drink, and those are all superficial, and I've already got the superficial issues with women online. What are my options? I don't know what else I'm suppose to do. I considered checking if I could put an ad in a local newspaper classified, but that would assume the right woman would read it. I don't think my odds are very good there, chances are I'd get spammed, harassed, or stalked.
The only thing I can see is God bringing the right woman across my path.... It has sort of happened before, just wasn't the right woman (crazy mental backstabbing b....)
*sigh* I've got my presence scattered online. I'm active in my church. I've done what I can, I'm pretty much just trying to filter out the spam and other undesireables. I drop a message to someone now and then that catches my interest, but nothing seems to come of them, I just get ignored.
As a quote I read once went... "Be who you are, mean what you say. Those that mind don't matter. And those that matter, don't mind."

If only this really worked...

I came across this. I generally do not inflict this kind of thing on other people, just because I think it's BS. I don't really believe in karma, fate, whatever you like to call it. I do believe that someone can have unforeseen effects on those around them. A kind word, a helpful gesture, a phone call just to say 'hi, how are you', some little things can make or break a person's day. It is nice to wish, to dream, that maybe a certain someone might be paying attention, and something would happen. I'll strike out the parts I don't believe. Anyway, here it is...

"You opened it. Good luck. Tonight at midnight your true love will realize they miss you. Something good will happen to you between 1:00 pm and 4:40 pm tomorrow, it could be anywhere. Tonight at midnight they will remember how much they loved you. You will get a shock of a lifetime tomorrow, a good one. If you break the chain you will be cursed with relationship problems for the next 2 years. Karma. If there is someone you loved, or still do, and can't get them out of your mind, re-post this in another city within the next 5 minutes. Its amazing how it works. If you truly miss someone, a past love, and can't seem to get them off your mind....then re-post this titled as " I Truly Do Miss You" Whoever you are missing will surprise you. Don't break this, for tonight at midnight, your true love will realize they love you and something great will happen to you tomorrow. Karma. You will get the shock of your life tomorrow"