New Years

If it will be a happy new year remains to be seen. I can "wish in one hand, sh!t in the other, and which one fills up first?" Yes, it's kind of a disgusting thought, but it also has a point. I doesn't seem to matter what I wish for, dream about, or would like to see happen. Someone else always seems to get what I want. I'd like to be an optimist, but after getting teased repeatedly with what I wish for, and just getting slapped in the face by some degenerate jack@ss trying to scam me, optimism is one of the first casualties (along with my heart). It gets replaced with realisum, and the temporary wish to beat the crap out of the jerk if I could get my hands one them. I normally don't wish any harm to anyone, but adding insult to my injury for there own means, while I'm being honest and good intentioned... pushing them into an on coming bus sounds like doing the world a favor, and eliminating that stagnant part of the gene pool.
*sigh* Since I can't (and probably wouldn't) doing anything about it, I try to talk some small satisfaction that maybe God will give them what they having coming. Maybe even reward me at some point for putting up with all this BS, and trying to stay true to who I am.
Come on, where is my reward?
I guess I still have some optimism left, it's just very strained.

Another Year

Well, basically another year is about gone. I've been thinking I might have 1 possible woman I could talk to. A few little problems.
First, She barely talks to me. It's not like she is anti-social, I'm just not one of those people she socializes with. The extent of our communication is usually if she was a cd of the pastor's teaching, and maybe a computer question. Pretty much like everyone else.
Second, that being the case, I don't know if she would be even open to the idea of being friends, or better, much less who/what she is looking for.
Third, she sort of inherited a baby from her sister. I have nothing against kids really, other than the times they annoy me, seemingly on purpose. It does present a certain, awkwardness for me.
Anyway, knowing a bit about the situation, this tells me she is at least a caring person, and has ethics. If that goes beyond "relatives", I'm not sure. The most we have talked was related to me getting a used computer fixed up for her, and when she might be able to pay for it. It's possible she is like every other woman I've come across lately, judgmental & close-minded when it comes to such things.
Yes, I can hear it, the "Just talk to her" speech. I don't see it as that simple. They way things are today, women can scream "sexist pig" if you look at them funny. Ironically, those are usually the ones that have there shirt open to their navel, and guys aren't suppose to look. I might seek a glace, yes, but I'm also interested in what makes them tick. You could say, I'm looking for beauty inside and out. For some reason, nice looking women are (more often than not), b!tches. Whatever the reason... Man haters, standards are too high, or just plain too low (only want "to have fun"). A nice looking woman around my age, with a functional brain, that isn't already with some guy I wouldn't trust as fair as I could throw him, seems to be impossible to find.
It is really too bad, I'd like to think I have something real to offer. But I'm too short, not wealthy, don't have a nice car, blah blah blah.
I still have a certain quote rolling around my head that seems to ring true... "Be who you are, say what you mean... Because those the mind don't matter, and those that matter don't mind." - Dr Seuss, I think. A pretty cool quote if you think about it.

Odds Are...

Seems like one of these days I'll find a real woman. With all the towns, lakes, and other populated areas around me, it seems like I could find someone. Of course, that is all assuming they use a computer and check singles sites... or maybe visit my church and happen to notice me. Some how I've got a feeling my odds would be better winning the lotto. How do I find someone that isn't where I am? Bars? Clubs? I don't drink, and those are all superficial, and I've already got the superficial issues with women online. What are my options? I don't know what else I'm suppose to do. I considered checking if I could put an ad in a local newspaper classified, but that would assume the right woman would read it. I don't think my odds are very good there, chances are I'd get spammed, harassed, or stalked.
The only thing I can see is God bringing the right woman across my path.... It has sort of happened before, just wasn't the right woman (crazy mental backstabbing b....)
*sigh* I've got my presence scattered online. I'm active in my church. I've done what I can, I'm pretty much just trying to filter out the spam and other undesireables. I drop a message to someone now and then that catches my interest, but nothing seems to come of them, I just get ignored.
As a quote I read once went... "Be who you are, mean what you say. Those that mind don't matter. And those that matter, don't mind."

If only this really worked...

I came across this. I generally do not inflict this kind of thing on other people, just because I think it's BS. I don't really believe in karma, fate, whatever you like to call it. I do believe that someone can have unforeseen effects on those around them. A kind word, a helpful gesture, a phone call just to say 'hi, how are you', some little things can make or break a person's day. It is nice to wish, to dream, that maybe a certain someone might be paying attention, and something would happen. I'll strike out the parts I don't believe. Anyway, here it is...

"You opened it. Good luck. Tonight at midnight your true love will realize they miss you. Something good will happen to you between 1:00 pm and 4:40 pm tomorrow, it could be anywhere. Tonight at midnight they will remember how much they loved you. You will get a shock of a lifetime tomorrow, a good one. If you break the chain you will be cursed with relationship problems for the next 2 years. Karma. If there is someone you loved, or still do, and can't get them out of your mind, re-post this in another city within the next 5 minutes. Its amazing how it works. If you truly miss someone, a past love, and can't seem to get them off your mind....then re-post this titled as " I Truly Do Miss You" Whoever you are missing will surprise you. Don't break this, for tonight at midnight, your true love will realize they love you and something great will happen to you tomorrow. Karma. You will get the shock of your life tomorrow"

Hopeless romantic dying here...

Not much new and interesting to report. I'm attempting to keep an ad on craigslist, it's the closest I can get to a newspaper posting, without paying for the ad. The problem with it is, crazy spam for 2-3 days after I post. I thought the free singles sites were bad, holy crap. I get every "woman" in the area wanting a sex partner, and I make it very clear on my posting it's not what I'm looking for. I guess they can't read. lol
Oh, the woman from my last blog, we sort of reconciled, though it was mostly me wanting to part ways on good terms for a change. We aren't talking anymore, though she does have my email. If she remembers or cares is another matter. I won't be wasting the time I paid for on that site again, what a joke.
'Here, I'll pay for you to neglect me, then finally get around to talking to me... oh wait, here comes the judgment.' What a joke that was. I tried, she barely pretended to.
Other than that, I can sum thing up like a friend did, and it fits. Pretty people are @sses.
Seems like everyone is looking for "Mr/Mrs Perfect". I'm trying to find "Mrs Right", and they don't seem to exist either. Well, not for me anyway. According to my Pastor, he has done more wedding this year, than in the years he's been back to Michigan combined.
Some days, that's about like rubbing salt on the wound. I am reminded of the song 'Someone Elses Star". I keep wishing, and someone elses keeps getting what I'm wishing for.
I some times consider what a date would be like. Nice meal at a small restaurant, go for a walk at one of my favorite parks, get to know each other...... Then I come back to reality, and reality sucks, because it's still just me.
Here is a good one. I was walking at one of my favorite trails, and this older couple comes from the other way. Course we say hello in passing and the fella asked "Where is your partner?" 'I wish I had one.' was more or less my first thought. I faked a smile responded "It's just me." There is something wrong when and older couple even thinks I should be with someone. As things stand, I don't know how to get there from here. It takes 2, and it seems to be just me trying.

WTH?

Well, I thought I found a nice woman on this christian singles site. The profile sounded good, she had a few nice pictures that looked real. Long story short, it took her a week to get around to looking at my profile, then proceeded to beat me over the head with it, getting all judgement on me. The kicker is, in her own profile, she didn't want people to judge her, but her judging someone she barely knew was ok. I sent her a message pointing out what she said, and asking "Aren't you kind of holding a double standard here?" She claimed to be open minded too... Yeah, open minded, so long as ....
How do I keep finding these people? Is there an emotional kick-me sign on me or something? Why is finding someone to hard? I mean, I know it has to start as a friendship, that's fine, so long as we are both making an effort. But when I keep putting myself out on a limb, and they keep cutting it out from under me? What the He!!? Really?
I had one friend comment 'Are they pms'ing or something?' We chuckle, but it makes me wonder. How can I really have this much bad luck? This was a "Christian" woman, they should be better than this... key word, Should.

Trying again

After the scammer fiasco, and a few days of anger & frustration, I have started again. I have found a hand full of 100% free singles sites, and posted new profiles, refreshed old ones, etc.
I get what I pay for, but at least a couple of them are making efforts to stay on top of spammers/scammers. I'm also armed with my recent experience, and anti-spammer resources, I am taking no prisoners (so to speak). I've ruled out a number of spammers and attempted to report them, which one site tonight appears to have gotten on the ball, canceling a number of accounts that messaged me, so I went ahead a marked some more that messaged me with there emails addys, and made it obvious they didn't read my profile (even tho they said they did). I've also attempted to get a few women's attention, but haven't heard anything back yet. I'm hoping something comes of them one of them at least. I don't want to hit my 35 birthday alone again. It's a goal, just not sure if it's one that I'll accomplish.